About bizarre_ftw : I'm: unusual, nuts, crazy in the best of ways, a seasoned mistake maker, too curious for my own good, and outside the box to the point of being in a different reality
My skills include but are not limited to: glass blowing and molding, painting, acting, writing, a little bit of modeling, giving massages, running in heels, drawing, cherry stem tying with my highly skilled tongue, pool/billiards, swimming, talking, cooking, etc..
Skills I plan to have: skydiving, cage diving, contortionism, knife throwing, and so much more
I love sharks, I plan to be a marine biologist, I have an hourglass figure, a near perfect hip to waist ratio (bragging is good for the soul, or at least ego, I have no soul, I sold it for lunch last week ^_^)
- i'm tattooed, fear me
I love all intellectual and artistic pursuits, and meeting people
I'm either funny or I fail miserably (which in its own right is funny) i'm good either way.
Email: oceanchild116@yahoo.com ... Let's see what happens :)
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, my 15 year old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26622) - you deserved it (8841)
On 12/06/2009 at 12:34pm - kids - by Sadface (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I heard a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen to see what it was. My cat had knocked over my fish bowl and had my Beta in her mouth. After scolding her and rescuing it, I decided to clean its bowl. When I went to dump some of the water in the sink, my fish went down the drain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7398) - you deserved it (21658)
On 12/03/2009 at 4:08pm - animals - by Sassers (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31856) - you deserved it (2160)
On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20714) - you deserved it (3814)
On 11/19/2009 at 2:33am - health - by SeeTony (man) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss' wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men". I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23976) - you deserved it (1164)
On 11/16/2009 at 11:05pm - misc - by bad_day_in_hell - United States (Montana)
Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24040) - you deserved it (2656)
On 11/16/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - Japan (Okinawa)
Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text saying: "I don't think we can see each other anymore, the nights were great, but I think I'm falling in love with Julie". I'm Julie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35460) - you deserved it (1780)
On 11/13/2009 at 10:07pm - love - by JJ (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23294) - you deserved it (4986)
On 11/03/2009 at 10:59am - misc - by katurday (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24319) - you deserved it (1740)
On 10/30/2009 at 8:05am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I took my car through the car wash. I got bored, so turned the radio on, forgetting that the aerial/antenna on the car is automatic. My car aerial is now bent at a 90 degree angle and about to fall off. The radio is half white noise, half stuff that may or may not be free jazz jam sessions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4942) - you deserved it (22088)
On 10/28/2009 at 6:14am - misc - by ohsnap (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I bought a nice new dress for a work party. But when I went in, a coworker hurried me into the bathroom saying, "Don't worry we can fix this." She thought someone had been sick on me. Thanks. That was just the pattern of the dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19921) - you deserved it (5024)
On 10/27/2009 at 12:43pm - work - by yper (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I took my iPhone to the Apple store to get an answer as to why the touch screen wasn't working properly. The extremely attractive customer service rep told me I just had to clean off the layer of boogers caked onto the screen and keep my fingers out of my nose from now on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4856) - you deserved it (54464)
On 10/22/2009 at 2:56pm - misc - by Nark (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37593) - you deserved it (1773)
On 10/19/2009 at 1:34am - love - by Ryanissaur (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12126) - you deserved it (2053)
On 10/18/2009 at 7:29am - intimacy - by Ignitingmylightsaber (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12126) - you deserved it (2053)
On 10/18/2009 at 7:29am - intimacy - by Ignitingmylightsaber (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Monday 20 May 2013
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