bizarre_ftw

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bizarre_ftw

42Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 14 August 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 15843
  • Number of comments : 2169
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 48 posted

About bizarre_ftw : I'm: unusual, nuts, crazy in the best of ways, a seasoned mistake maker, too curious for my own good, and outside the box to the point of being in a different reality

My skills include but are not limited to: glass blowing and molding, painting, acting, writing, a little bit of modeling, giving massages, running in heels, drawing, cherry stem tying with my highly skilled tongue, pool/billiards, swimming, talking, cooking, etc..

Skills I plan to have: skydiving, cage diving, contortionism, knife throwing, and so much more

I love sharks, I plan to be a marine biologist, I have an hourglass figure, a near perfect hip to waist ratio (bragging is good for the soul, or at least ego, I have no soul, I sold it for lunch last week ^_^)
- i'm tattooed, fear me

I love all intellectual and artistic pursuits, and meeting people

I'm either funny or I fail miserably (which in its own right is funny) i'm good either way.

Email: oceanchild116@yahoo.com ... Let's see what happens :)

bizarre_ftw's page activity

Visits<b>mehibud</b> - the 09/13/2016 at 6:51pm<b>big_sam1991</b> - the 09/04/2016 at 9:22pm<b>kkowal</b> - the 08/30/2016 at 8:31pm<b>tweak2011</b> - the 08/29/2016 at 9:06am<b>Talis99</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 6:42am<b>Bullshitticus</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 8:31am<b>TheRealStunts</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 1:05am<b>username_taken1</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 3:38pm<b>cassiet</b> - the 08/16/2016 at 10:58pm<b>IrishRaven</b> - the 08/16/2016 at 10:57am<b>Mewling_Quim</b> - the 08/16/2016 at 4:26am<b>DMEN469</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 4:38pm<b>TheGreastest</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 8:43am<b>brianna1494</b> - the 08/14/2016 at 4:49pm<b>Rozay333</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 7:28am<b>cheyluvsturtles</b> - the 08/12/2016 at 4:53pm<b>S_Melh</b> - the 08/01/2016 at 9:22am<b>fuckit10000</b> - the 08/01/2016 at 4:06am

Fucked!<b>Pinkgal123</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 12:54pm<b>Rozay333</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 1:28pm<b>Joshwarrior</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 3:05pm<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 1:36pm<b>SiraSiemens</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 11:16am<b>skydye420</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 2:15pm<b>RabijaBegic56</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 1:37am<b>CaptMacLeod</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 10:26pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:48am<b>spn_fanboy14</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:19pm<b>FyeahPoet</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 8:46pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 11:00pm<b>fatman1970</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 9:37am<b>dno79</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 1:56pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 7:13pm<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 4:17pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 1:06am<b>Skarlun</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 11:16pm

bizarre_ftw's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of bizarre_ftw's badges

bizarre_ftw's favorite FMLs

Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML

by Leashaness / 09/15/2012 at 7:07am / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

by not the scalpel / 09/15/2012 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

by -___- / 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML

by MexicanMe / 09/14/2012 at 10:13am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML

by TallGal / 09/14/2012 at 4:26am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, after having a long talk with my mother about gays, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grand kids." FML

by EvilMother / 09/13/2012 at 8:57pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

by blueballs / 09/13/2012 at 8:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2012 at 9:32am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

by killmenow / 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that my manager and I have synchronized menstrual cycles. She gets extremely bitchy, and I get extremely vulnerable and emotional - she yells at me and I burst into tears. FML

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2012 at 5:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2012 at 8:03am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered a large and somewhat disturbing whitehead inside my ear crevice. Apparently it's been there for a while, because everyone at work has nicknamed it Hugo. FML

by me / 09/08/2012 at 6:39pm / United States / Work

Today, I realized my acne looks like star constellations. I've already found the Little Dipper on my left cheek. FML

by balletteacher / 09/08/2012 at 4:32pm / United States / Health

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

by dating a fucking idiot / 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous