About bizarre_ftw : I'm: unusual, nuts, crazy in the best of ways, a seasoned mistake maker, too curious for my own good, and outside the box to the point of being in a different reality
My skills include but are not limited to: glass blowing and molding, painting, acting, writing, a little bit of modeling, giving massages, running in heels, drawing, cherry stem tying with my highly skilled tongue, pool/billiards, swimming, talking, cooking, etc..
Skills I plan to have: skydiving, cage diving, contortionism, knife throwing, and so much more
I love sharks, I plan to be a marine biologist, I have an hourglass figure, a near perfect hip to waist ratio (bragging is good for the soul, or at least ego, I have no soul, I sold it for lunch last week ^_^)
- i'm tattooed, fear me
I love all intellectual and artistic pursuits, and meeting people
I'm either funny or I fail miserably (which in its own right is funny) i'm good either way.
Email: oceanchild116@yahoo.com ... Let's see what happens :)
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16672) - you deserved it (743)
On 09/11/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11335) - you deserved it (47411)
On 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by killmenow - United States (Washington)
Today, I realized that my manager and I have synchronized menstrual cycles. She gets extremely bitchy, and I get extremely vulnerable and emotional - she yells at me and I burst into tears. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18631) - you deserved it (1250)
On 09/09/2012 at 8:39pm - work - by darawbs - United States
Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14126) - you deserved it (1262)
On 09/09/2012 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16817) - you deserved it (4080)
On 09/09/2012 at 8:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I discovered a large and somewhat disturbing whitehead inside my ear crevice. Apparently it's been there for a while, because everyone at work has nicknamed it Hugo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13549) - you deserved it (1630)
On 09/08/2012 at 6:39pm - work - by me - United States
Today, I realized my acne looks like star constellations. I've already found the Little Dipper on my left cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12286) - you deserved it (1274)
On 09/08/2012 at 4:32pm - health - by balletteacher - United States
Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14067) - you deserved it (9237)
On 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by dating a fucking idiot (woman) - United States
Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31151) - you deserved it (1396)
On 09/08/2012 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16496) - you deserved it (1310)
On 09/08/2012 at 5:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18809) - you deserved it (2000)
On 09/07/2012 at 12:23pm - work - by PuddlePirate (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I got back to work. Last week, my divorce was finalized and my last name is, once again, my maiden name. Since I'm a teacher, all my students will remember me by my ex-husband's last name. I get to be reminded every day that my marriage failed until everyone memorizes my maiden name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16643) - you deserved it (2363)
On 09/05/2012 at 11:27pm - work - by divorcee - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19039) - you deserved it (1411)
On 09/05/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cotton swab shoved up my cock's piss-pipe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18524) - you deserved it (6376)
On 09/04/2012 at 11:09am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I met my husband's family for the first time. My nightmare versions were better. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16884) - you deserved it (1649)
On 09/03/2012 at 4:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Monday 20 May 2013
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