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bitofice

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bitofice

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bitofice's favorite FMLs

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

#21005822
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36023) - you deserved it (2691)

On 12/26/2013 at 1:48am - misc - by thanks_world - United States (Washington)

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

#20950369
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44273) - you deserved it (3341)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm - work - by thank god you'll only live once (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

#20856159
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34333) - you deserved it (19125)

On 08/27/2013 at 3:21am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

#20083631
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20887) - you deserved it (8826)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm - kids - by SadDad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

#20081762
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21929) - you deserved it (12249)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

#20080363
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18111) - you deserved it (26569)

On 09/20/2012 at 3:00am - intimacy - by myself - United States (California)

Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML

#20079735
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21694) - you deserved it (2530)

On 09/19/2012 at 7:33pm - kids - by Judy - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

#20078695
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7203) - you deserved it (29851)

On 09/19/2012 at 12:14am - misc - by unaware - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML

#20078344
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23282) - you deserved it (1601)

On 09/18/2012 at 8:42pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

#20077908
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28323) - you deserved it (3373)

On 09/18/2012 at 3:51pm - kids - by unfortunateMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, my mom turned off all internet access in our house because she thought I spent too much time on the computer. She later asked me why she couldn't get on Facebook. FML

Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML

#20076697
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22059) - you deserved it (2618)

On 09/17/2012 at 7:25pm - kids - by StupidBerk (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my nails done for the first time in a while. I don't like to go that much because two of my toes are connected, and I'm very self-conscious about it. The man painting my toes started laughing when he saw them and called all the other employees over to look. FML

#20075771
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27629) - you deserved it (2123)

On 09/17/2012 at 2:32am - misc - by twinkletoes (woman) - United States

Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML

#20075179
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10290) - you deserved it (22075) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/16/2012 at 6:50pm - animals - by romainmain - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

#20074793
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23977) - you deserved it (2350)

On 09/16/2012 at 3:48pm - health - by Derp McShitstain (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)



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