Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

birdybirdchirp

Offline (12 hours ago) | Search for a member

birdybirdchirp

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1666
  • Number of comments : 49
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About birdybirdchirp : names bird...ex stoner

birdybirdchirp's page activity

Visits<b>awkotaco333</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 4:04pm<b>Shannon98</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 1:33pm<b>seninaa</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 4:50pm<b>iireenee</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 3:11am<b>Amy_Sully18</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 7:23pm<b>kinzopinzi</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 1:28pm<b>ForeverSilent101</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 7:37am<b>briannasamonte</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 12:17am<b>PleasantDino</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 9:58pm<b>hard_candy</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 6:44pm<b>ohray</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 11:02am<b>creativityisnt</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 9:08pm<b>cheese7272</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 3:36am<b>raeeheller</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 8:58am<b>jelly_bennett</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 1:19am<b>WCARlover</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 12:28am<b>Aussie75</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 5:22pm<b>amyhyett</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 12:28pm

birdybirdchirp's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of birdybirdchirp's badges

birdybirdchirp's favorite FMLs

Today, my classmate said I looked better without makeup. Well, her exact words were, "You look like less of a whore without makeup." FML

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

#21316716
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29706) - you deserved it (2395)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:19am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

#21316711
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25238) - you deserved it (4692)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:03am - intimacy - by giantcuntflaps (woman) - Australia

Today, after months of correcting him, I got so used to my boss calling me "Alex" that I didn't respond to my own name several times today. FML

Today, I came home to find out my roommate sold my PS4, because, "You don't use it anymore." FML

#21316533
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30607) - you deserved it (2257)

On 12/13/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32631) - you deserved it (4086)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I last that long. FML

#21315600
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20598) - you deserved it (9587)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by cigarettes - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

#21315592
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28545) - you deserved it (5983)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anon - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said "avada kedavra". She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML

#21315060
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31930) - you deserved it (2476)

On 12/10/2014 at 2:58pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my husband sent me a link to an article titled "5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage." FML

Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML

#21313670
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28912) - you deserved it (4267)

On 12/08/2014 at 9:12am - love - by lovethateuropeanblood (woman) - Japan (Osaka)

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

#21313388
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35310) - you deserved it (4079)

On 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm - misc - by pubemilkshake - United States (Utah)

Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML

#21312961
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20197) - you deserved it (32589)

On 12/07/2014 at 3:10am - misc - by .__. (woman) - United Kingdom (Brent)

Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She was so excited that she had a severe asthma attack and ended up in hospital. Her answer was yes, but her parents won't let me anywhere near her now. They say I'm lucky they haven't sued me for "trying to kill her". FML

#21312768
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37751) - you deserved it (2223)

On 12/06/2014 at 7:56pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up feeling awful and decided to make myself a nice egg omelette with bacon, toast and fresh fruit. As I went to eat it, I stubbed my toe and dropped it all on the floor. My dogs were very happy about that. FML

#21312082
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28177) - you deserved it (2785)

On 12/05/2014 at 4:00pm - misc - by Dani (woman) - United States (Florida)



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: