birdybirdchirp

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Offline (the 10/18/2015 at 4:42am)

birdybirdchirp

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7751
  • Number of comments : 73
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About birdybirdchirp : sleep, work, chill.

birdybirdchirp's page activity

Visits<b>stfuwtf</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 2:26pm<b>lazyninja334</b> - the 03/12/2016 at 7:39am<b>kingshelly</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 2:29am<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 6:41pm<b>fmlanneke</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 2:48pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 10:15pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 10:41pm<b>BoltZombie7698</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 9:17pm<b>bubsenn</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 5:40pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 6:20pm<b>nevergiveinever</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 8:23am<b>QBChris43</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 8:03pm<b>nfedrichy</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 12:02am<b>mollspuff</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 1:28am<b>jsosk</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 5:33am<b>assurant</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 5:21am<b>jawarston</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 2:57am<b>rostoney</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 2:34am

Fucked!<b>kingshelly</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 8:29am<b>quinzxl</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 2:38pm

birdybirdchirp's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of birdybirdchirp's badges

birdybirdchirp's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife is unreasonably mad at me for telling our kids to call toilet paper, "Butt Floss". FML

by chillnhill / 09/10/2015 at 10:31pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

by bwoolf96 / 09/10/2015 at 8:32am / Health

Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

by jack / 08/27/2015 at 6:56am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

by strangely / 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I'm grieving over the death of my best friend of 9 years. My mom wasted no time arriving at the conclusion that I must be hormonal and pregnant with his child. Apparently it's not normal for a woman to cry so much over a man, unless they've been fucking. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2015 at 12:05pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my boss that DVI ports are not the same as HDMI ports. When I showed him the HDMI cable, he said, "Oh! You mean USB!" He's an engineering manager. FML

by geek / 07/21/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 8:54pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with his boss so he could get a promotion and "provide" for us. This from the guy who made me quit my job because he said he made enough money to support us both. FML

by dtack2tack / 07/09/2015 at 9:42am / United States / Love

Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML

by but cum to think of it... / 07/03/2015 at 5:29pm / Intimacy

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2015 at 1:41pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2015 at 10:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, my parents bought my 11-year-old brother a MacBook for my birthday. FML

by thanks for the $5 gift voucher / 06/13/2015 at 12:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids