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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML
I agree, your life sucks (95923) - you deserved it (4336)
On 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77257) - you deserved it (3977)
On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)
Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39366) - you deserved it (1310)
On 06/03/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by kilo1_13 - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51729) - you deserved it (2433)
On 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by biker2012 (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML
I agree, your life sucks (66009) - you deserved it (3913)
On 06/01/2009 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by crazystuff23 (man) - United States (California)
Today, there were no more seats on the bus I was taking home, which meant I had to stand. I noticed that a creepy guy sitting in front of me had a boner, so I took a few steps back. Suddenly the bus went through something like a speed bump, which caused me to fall and sit on the man's lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60795) - you deserved it (3781)
On 05/30/2009 at 2:52am - intimacy - by nevergoingonabusagain (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52344) - you deserved it (2182)
On 05/22/2009 at 4:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36201) - you deserved it (8656)
On 05/21/2009 at 10:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57847) - you deserved it (4479)
On 05/20/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because "She wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55936) - you deserved it (2594)
On 05/19/2009 at 9:21pm - kids - by bopbop (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (121991) - you deserved it (29422)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23194) - you deserved it (65465)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39581) - you deserved it (5842)
On 05/17/2009 at 12:20am - work - by blairheir721 (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (39933) - you deserved it (6004)
On 05/16/2009 at 5:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48744) - you deserved it (38218)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
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