bioss89

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Offline (the 03/03/2016 at 8:23am)

bioss89

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Uk, Russia
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 433
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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bioss89's page activity

Visits<b>feetlvr</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 5:51pm<b>norse21</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 8:36am<b>KatieMajestic</b> - the 09/24/2013 at 6:52am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 09/22/2013 at 8:01am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 02/01/2013 at 8:47am<b>GothickNihilist</b> - the 01/25/2013 at 10:10pm

bioss89's FML badges

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You've liked someone. How cute!

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bioss89's favorite FMLs

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

by Hank-T4 / 10/11/2015 at 7:45am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2015 at 5:42pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 4:58pm / United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The) / Animals

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

by -_- / 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

by bleue / 04/23/2015 at 8:27am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids

Today, I heard what sounded like water against my window, and I couldn't believe it was raining in Southern California at this time of the year. I then turned to the window to see a hobo peeing on my window. FML

by jumanji / 03/23/2015 at 7:19pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

by NoHamForMeThanks / 03/08/2015 at 10:36pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

by farksh / 03/07/2015 at 7:14am / Australia / Animals

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2015 at 8:50pm / United States (Delaware) / Animals

Today, my cats found a new game to play. They each sit on either side of the cat flap, and take turns hitting it. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. At 3 am. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. FML

by duncan74 / 12/09/2014 at 10:23pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Animals

Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

by thatsnice / 12/09/2014 at 4:19pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2014 at 10:29pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

by hellalegit / 11/07/2014 at 1:26am / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

by jazzie7719 / 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health