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bigraws23

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bigraws23
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  • Number of visits : 3067
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

#2523037
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48669) - you deserved it (5609)

On 06/02/2009 at 1:41am - love - by toobad (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML

#2501660
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54191) - you deserved it (2651)

On 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by biker2012 (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

#2401782
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56452) - you deserved it (12554)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by FMLFMLFMLFML (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

#2267588
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53998) - you deserved it (5984)

On 05/25/2009 at 4:33am - animals - by jackelking (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

#2226575
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51622) - you deserved it (8606)

On 05/23/2009 at 11:01pm - misc - by partygirlxxx - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML

#2111362
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9093) - you deserved it (53031)

On 05/20/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by fihifgni210 - United States (Florida)

Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

#2076493
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56057) - you deserved it (7948)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:04am - kids - by nana (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

#2037920
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42079) - you deserved it (7755)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

#2019724
628 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22047) - you deserved it (253819)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had organised to go for an all day fishing trip, but had forgotten to book a day off. I called my boss and told him that I had to stay with my mum in hospital after a car crash that she had last night. He called me a liar and fired me. Turns out my mum is having an affair with my boss. FML

#2008725
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56688) - you deserved it (16133)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:32am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27218) - you deserved it (82823)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

#1957244
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49311) - you deserved it (8459)

On 05/15/2009 at 3:08am - intimacy - by Langdon (woman) - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

#1942963
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27213) - you deserved it (38748)

On 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

#1930337
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (333247) - you deserved it (16482)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my Dad took me to a yankee game at the new Yankees stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I then yelled out "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML

#1830985
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7123) - you deserved it (86234)

On 05/10/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by XxespoxX (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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