bigphill1333

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bigphill1333

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2223
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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bigphill1333's page activity

Visits<b>nettles12</b> - the 11/07/2016 at 11:15am<b>weedle99</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 1:55pm<b>Etched</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 6:01am<b>motl8</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 2:15am<b>Jiratias</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 7:11am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 8:09am<b>fmlnousername</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 11:50pm<b>jordanrecatto</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 2:43pm<b>i_love_him_</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 1:43am<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 4:24pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 5:16pm<b>mongorian_beef</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 4:20pm<b>chase201</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 9:19pm<b>Senor_Pehdos</b> - the 04/06/2014 at 1:29pm<b>Qwermy</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 12:29am<b>Jenny246844</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 7:22pm<b>banemask</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 1:45am<b>awakward</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 12:20pm

bigphill1333's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

bigphill1333's favorite FMLs

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

by bride / 02/14/2011 at 1:24am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that it is never, ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis, because eventually you will have to take it off. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2011 at 12:31am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2011 at 7:09pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

by RyanM / 02/13/2011 at 4:01am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

by Samyett / 02/09/2011 at 2:22pm / United States / Love

Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML

by Raprotcommander / 02/07/2011 at 10:47am / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my phone decided to delete all my numbers. I posted on Facebook that people should message or text me if they felt like I should have their number. I didn't get a single reply. FML

by Kere / 02/03/2011 at 11:42am / Sweden (Hallands Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

by seepeezy32 / 02/01/2011 at 9:32pm / Intimacy

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

by jester777 / 01/22/2011 at 12:39pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm / France / Health

Today, I worked a full day and then went to a three-hour class. I got home at 9 PM, and before the door closed I heard, "There's a sink full of dishes for you." There are three able-bodied men in the house, all of whom got here hours ago and created that sink full of dishes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 9:06pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 12:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health