About bigcrazymike : Marriage has less beauty but more safety than the single life. It’s full of sorrows and full of joys. It lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love, and those burdens are delightful.
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bigcrazymike's favorite FMLs
Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML
by ninja_blasphemer / 07/25/2011 at 3:24pm / Ireland (Wexford) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that I'm allergic to hornets. I also learned that when your mom sprays a hornets' nest, and they come after you, that jumping in the pool doesn't help. They hover and wait for you to surface. FML
by sisi9999 / 07/25/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML
by Lonely / 07/24/2011 at 1:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by oouchh / 07/24/2011 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love
Today, I was accused of cheating on my wife when an earring was found in our car. I knew it was my mom's missing earring but she didn't believe me. After calling my mom and getting them on the phone to clarify, my wife is upset I told my mother at all. Now I'm not a cheater, just an asshole. FML
by lostbandana / 07/02/2011 at 10:15pm / United States / Love
Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML
by Kamburgler / 07/02/2011 at 2:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out my new Commanding Officer is my ex-wife's new boyfriend. We're going on a two year tour at sea in two weeks. The reason we got a divorce is that she couldn't handle being tied down with someone in the Navy. FML
by Drunken Sailor / 06/27/2011 at 3:20pm / United States (New York) / Love
by A girl / 06/27/2011 at 3:55am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Work
Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML
by techiefIve / 06/14/2011 at 6:04am / United States (California) / Geek
by Username / 06/11/2011 at 1:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
by MakeMeASandwich / 06/10/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Work
by Patrick R / 06/09/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Username / 06/07/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML
by yup / 06/05/2011 at 3:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/23/2011 at 7:50am / United States / Work