Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

biasedshooter

Online | Search for a member

biasedshooter

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 13 June 1986 (28 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 8161
  • Number of comments : 86
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 15 posted

About biasedshooter : I am not racist, biased, or discriminatory in any way. I do however make jokes on these topics. I also misspell alot of things. Deal with it!

biasedshooter's page activity

Visits<b>Falkin0113</b> - 11 hours ago<b>noah_1234</b> - 12 hours ago<b>klune</b> - yesterday at 2:27pm<b>LittleBells</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 11:24am<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 2:28pm<b>Khaleesi_26</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 7:57pm<b>DaBeastInDaNight</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 11:27pm<b>KyerraLCarson</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 10:33pm<b>Olivia93</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 7:56pm<b>AlwaysWatching</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 4:16pm<b>yvonnep</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 3:25pm<b>mercedes_scott</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 1:27pm<b>RicklePickle</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 11:03pm<b>douglas423</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 6:53pm<b>gokuisthename</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 5:10pm<b>yankfan89</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 4:42pm<b>osnapitsalexx</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 9:27am<b>euphoricness</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 8:59pm

biasedshooter's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of biasedshooter's badges

biasedshooter's favorite FMLs

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45860) - you deserved it (3627)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44318) - you deserved it (5320)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48780) - you deserved it (6441)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

#21006112
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37302) - you deserved it (5201)

On 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

#20982904
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48422) - you deserved it (8054)

On 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by fuckadaisical (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39286) - you deserved it (3802)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43279) - you deserved it (5253)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML

#20940589
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37212) - you deserved it (10593)

On 10/31/2013 at 7:18pm - misc - by GymBattle (man) - United States

Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML

#20924315
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47827) - you deserved it (4345)

On 10/17/2013 at 6:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

#20893921
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39659) - you deserved it (3050)

On 09/24/2013 at 12:47am - kids - by cuntsmom (woman) - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

#20890231
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38326) - you deserved it (3702)

On 09/21/2013 at 2:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

#20886188
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35551) - you deserved it (10578)

On 09/18/2013 at 2:19am - health - by I get the hint -

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

#20883807
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45591) - you deserved it (8364)

On 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by meganmagee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML

#20882660
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26725) - you deserved it (39131)

On 09/15/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



FML's blog

  • Gragrou's illustrated FML
  • One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done…

Friday 26 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: