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About biasedshooter : I am not racist, biased, or discriminatory in any way. I do however make jokes on these topics. I also misspell alot of things. Deal with it!
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Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML
Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML
Today, I went to Target. I was on my way to the bathroom when I find a huge mirror. No one was around so I started to see how my butt looked in my jeans, checked up my nose and fixed my bra. An older woman then walks out of a door next to the mirror and explains that it's a two-way mirror. FML
Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
Today, I decided to run outside. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he replied You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML
Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML
Friday 18 April 2014