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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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bi_chick

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bi_chick
  • Town/Country : Houston, U.S.
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 June 1987 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 2582
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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bi_chick's favorite FMLs

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

#5309221 (402)

I agree, your life sucks (16596) - you deserved it (57173)

On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

#5149923 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (30468) - you deserved it (3227)

On 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm - kids - by WOCOACH (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to buy a cake for my daughter's birthday. She really loves Twilight, so I decided to get her a vampire-related cake. I wrote down "fangs" as a decoration. The baker thought it said "wangs". My 10 year old daughter's cake has wangs all over it. Her party is tomorrow morning. FML

#4374994 (381)

I agree, your life sucks (33994) - you deserved it (6118)

On 08/08/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by TheCake - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one ripe. My husband yelled "she likes to eat beans." FML

#3666100 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (45288) - you deserved it (7061)

On 07/11/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by 1234 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML

#2655831 (365)

I agree, your life sucks (50177) - you deserved it (4662)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - misc - by graduate - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes he did! He's lying I saw him drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

#2593679 (393)

I agree, your life sucks (76617) - you deserved it (3837)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

#2295349 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (11466) - you deserved it (44103)

On 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by silvercity09 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608 (464)

I agree, your life sucks (30239) - you deserved it (98455)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked to my local McDonald's. I spent the last 7 dollars I had on my meal. As I began to walk back to my dorm, I was mugged. I explained to them I had no money, so they stole my food. FML

#1936561 (94)

I agree, your life sucks (37588) - you deserved it (2122)

On 05/14/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by Aaron (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

#1927832 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (51694) - you deserved it (4044)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

#1923265 (397)

I agree, your life sucks (86781) - you deserved it (7138)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Flicker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got to sleep in late for the first time in 3 years, as wife took our two young daughters out of town to visit with her parents. I told my mother that I was really looking forward to being able to sleep in this morning. The phone rang at 7:30. It was my mother asking me how I slept. FML

#1746299 (110)

I agree, your life sucks (43523) - you deserved it (3761)

On 05/08/2009 at 11:20am - misc - by Wally (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML

#1706797 (237)

I agree, your life sucks (59534) - you deserved it (5879)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:47pm - kids - by fmal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML

#1101827 (284)

I agree, your life sucks (8176) - you deserved it (83301)

On 04/18/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by asdfghjkl (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML

#1100061 (151)

I agree, your life sucks (36997) - you deserved it (19862)

On 04/18/2009 at 9:55pm - misc - by pinkblankets (woman) - United States (Indiana)