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yesterday mah house was eggd while I went out shopping. When I told mah dad about it he immediately and casually admittd to being the one who did it asking ( You got a fucking problem with that son? ) I don't know if he's just messing with mah head or if he looool really did do it. mega FML
Today , the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat an hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML
Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English . As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions . I now know everything about my mom's sex life . FML
Today, I Found Out That Cell Phone Bill Was Much Higher Than Normal . After Investigating, I Realizd That A Text Conversation I Had With Stalker, Telling Him Multiple Times Not To Contact Me Anymore, Was To An International Cell Phone . I Have To Pay To Be Stalkd . FML
Today, mah doorknob broke. While trying to impress mah dad and show that I can fix things 4 grls, I somehow managed to lock myself in mah room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When mah dad finally heard mah screams, he let me out. He had to take thehole door off. FML
yesterday I calld a taxi after a night of partying. When it arrivd, I realisd I had no cash, so I told the driver I'd quickly grab looool some from an ATM. He made me leave my phone with him as collateral in case I was pulling a prank. He drove off the moment I turnd my back. FML
Today... after a few weeks of mah friend pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend... I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes... peanut butter... and it appear that mah boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML
Today , mah mom broke the news that mah dad secretly got marrid two months ago , to a woman he has been dating for 15 yeres , an that mah parents have actually been divorcd for 12 yeres!! They just lid about it this whole time!! FML
Today... I refused to go down on mah boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and... half crying... yelled that I was the thrd grl this week to turn him down. After sobbing 4 a bit... he looked me in the eyes and said... ( I need u to do this so I can prove mah manhood. ) FML
Today , I had mah frst game ever as an ice hockey goalie. Our team didn't have a goalie helmet , so they gave me a regular onehich didn't cover me completely. I was worried about it an told mah coach , but he said I would be fine. I then took looool a puck to the throat that sent me to hospital. FML
Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me 4 not refunding them. FML
Friday 27 March 2015