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About bewer415 : Love meeting new people
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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TODAY, I WAS AT MAH AUNT AN UNCLE'S HOUSE. I WENT TO THE BATHROOM AN AFTER I WASHD MAH HANDS, I TOOK A Q-TIP OUT OF THE CARTON TO CLEAN MAH EARS. WHEN I REACHD 4 A SECOND ONE, I NOTICD THAT EVERY Q-TIP IN THE CARTON WAS ACTUALLY ALREADY USD. FML
I mat mah naw roommata. Sha has a lifa-siza cardboard cutout of Justin looool Biabar in har room, which I'va saan har having actual convarsations with twica alraady. I hava to shara a badroom with this psycho. FML
Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML
Today I walkd into ta living room to find ma 11-yaar-old daugtar about to kiss ar ( not ma boyfriand ) on ta lips. Wan I askd wat sa tougt sa was doing sa paald a piaca of scotc tapa off ar lips and said ( It's okay! Wa'ra using protaction. ) FML
Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person an I'm super pumped up to finally get off mah lazy butt an loose some wieght. Locking myself in mah room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML
Today , I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her fir half-an-hour I finally said , ( At least you're not doing drugs. ) She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said , ( At least I'm not a prostitute? ) FML
yesterday I gave a big presentation to mah class . It included PowerPoint slide an video clips of the country I'd been resereching . Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page . He practically got a standing ovation . I got a single clap . FML
Today, I was hitting on a cute grl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opend Safari on my phone. It opend to my video from Pornhub I watchd yesterday and startd playing, on full volume, through the entre bus. FML
Today, I learned tat binding my stomac wit duct tape isn't wort it to look tin. I also learned te even worse part wen I srieked more loudly tan I sould've wen I tried to discreetly rip it off in istory class.
Today, I got ome from work an found ma grlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. Se ended up pusing me onto te bed, an as I lay tere, expecting to be pleasured, se pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas an dressed me in tem. FML
Friday 27 March 2015