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ber4fun's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/19/2016 at 9:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/24/2016 at 12:28pm / United States / Love
by Sgt_Jackrum / 02/05/2016 at 5:27am / United Kingdom (Sandwell) / Intimacy
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
by sweetie808 / 01/28/2016 at 3:39am / United States (Hawaii) / Animals
by 221bcompanion / 01/18/2016 at 12:18am / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML
by mouse_13 / 01/15/2016 at 1:28am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2015 at 11:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, a woman who I have spoken to approximately twice in my life, asked me out. I turned her down in the most harmless way I could. Three hours later, I found my car keyed and my windshield wipers gone. FML
by Anonymous / 12/10/2015 at 7:10pm / United States (Iowa) / Transportation
by ModernCindy / 11/30/2015 at 11:07am / United Kingdom (Blackpool) / Animals
by MyLifeSucksSoHar / 10/30/2015 at 9:49pm / United States (Florida) / Money
by Anonymous / 10/25/2015 at 9:13am / United States (Florida) / Transportation
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 10:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by spiderbaby / 10/06/2015 at 3:43pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/23/2015 at 9:21pm / Canada / Money
Today, I got hit by a USPS truck. Luckily, I have car insurance. Just kidding. My insurance got cancelled two days ago for lack of responding to letters they sent. Letters that the USPS didn't deliver. FML
by lentkaysi / 09/10/2015 at 6:55pm / United States (New York) / Transportation