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ber4fun's favorite FMLs
by SkyrimGamerMoM / 07/14/2016 at 3:49pm / United States (North Dakota) / Geek
Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML
by TooNoisy4Me / 07/04/2016 at 5:46am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out for drinks to mark the end of my current job. I invited all my colleagues to join me so I could say goodbye to them all. I even changed the date to a day that suited more people and the location to a place I knew they all preferred. Only one person showed up. FML
by squizzlebee / 06/30/2016 at 7:58am / United Kingdom (York) / Work
Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After looking into it, one of the 1-star ratings claimed "mechanical problems". The description of the reason, "He drives a Ford." FML
by darkangel7410 / 06/22/2016 at 4:37am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/10/2016 at 10:28am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/06/2016 at 12:57am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Rescheduled / 05/28/2016 at 4:44am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 05/19/2016 at 9:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/24/2016 at 12:28pm / United States / Love
by Sgt_Jackrum / 02/05/2016 at 5:27am / United Kingdom (Sandwell) / Intimacy
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
by sweetie808 / 01/28/2016 at 3:39am / United States (Hawaii) / Animals
by 221bcompanion / 01/18/2016 at 12:18am / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML
by mouse_13 / 01/15/2016 at 1:28am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2015 at 11:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, a woman who I have spoken to approximately twice in my life, asked me out. I turned her down in the most harmless way I could. Three hours later, I found my car keyed and my windshield wipers gone. FML
by Anonymous / 12/10/2015 at 7:10pm / United States (Iowa) / Transportation
- Today I went as a chaperone on one of my son's middle school field trips to the beach with the rest… Today, my mom accidentally hit my dog. She didn't see him and she felt so bad. She started cuddling… Today, my daughter came to me holding her brand new iPad, crying. I asked her what was wrong, and…
- Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…