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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call your other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to find out like this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37670) - you deserved it (2802)
On 09/16/2010 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23238) - you deserved it (20150)
On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29810) - you deserved it (7444)
On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)
Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40656) - you deserved it (5774)
Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25825) - you deserved it (2267)
On 09/06/2010 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my dad walked in on me singing "Bohemian Rhapsody", while spinning in circles with the cat in my arms. I thought I was home alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8748) - you deserved it (17379)
On 08/29/2010 at 12:54am - animals - by Hobbsie - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9762) - you deserved it (34345)
On 08/26/2010 at 1:33am - animals - by Aaron (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23714) - you deserved it (15514)
On 08/23/2010 at 1:05am - intimacy - by diesel444 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He also decided the best way to end our relationship was to kill me and our virtual child on The Sims 3 by setting us on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28992) - you deserved it (4683)
On 08/19/2010 at 1:26am - love - by Single - United States (California)
Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47492) - you deserved it (3419)
On 08/18/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by Girl - United Kingdom (Hampshire)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, when we change positions, he shouts: "Power Rangers - Transform!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (48778) - you deserved it (8758)
On 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (58375) - you deserved it (5804)
On 08/13/2009 at 11:23am - intimacy - by esb (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17756) - you deserved it (48581)
On 08/10/2009 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Morrowindwhore (man) - United Kingdom (Southampton)
Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33307) - you deserved it (19650)
On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (87090) - you deserved it (3634)
On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)
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