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bennn89's favorite FMLs
Today, I discovered that the neck injury that my mom has had since last week was planned just as an excuse not to shovel when today's snowstorm came. She has planned on being lazy for over a week now. FML
by Drew / 03/06/2013 at 10:16am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML
by Notaplacetogo / 02/17/2013 at 1:45am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by maggu / 02/10/2013 at 11:26pm / Denmark / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML
by jay ze punk / 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
by ohfuckwaffles / 01/29/2013 at 12:28am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Kate / 12/23/2012 at 3:24am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML
by okay._. / 11/01/2012 at 3:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML
by hakuna matata / 10/31/2012 at 6:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by emilyhendrix0414 / 09/28/2012 at 6:53am / United States / Animals
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML
by mary / 08/09/2012 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML
by ooops / 08/04/2012 at 12:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by llaurenmariee / 08/04/2012 at 7:35am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 5:23pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…