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bennekat

Offline (the 08/29/2014 at 4:21am) | Search for a member

bennekat

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  • Number of visits : 433
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bennekat's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML

#18286720
366 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38159) - you deserved it (31124)

On 11/19/2011 at 3:05am - intimacy - by Tyler - United States

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15048) - you deserved it (52576)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28917) - you deserved it (3022)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

#18047798
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29123) - you deserved it (16273)

On 10/22/2011 at 5:51pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Northwest Territories)

Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML

#18022351
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32055) - you deserved it (6336)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:03am - kids - by optimistic2628 - United States

Today, I learned no matter how much your friends pressure you, you must never snort lines of curry powder. FML

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

#17786255
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50729) - you deserved it (6080)

On 09/20/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Cantgetno (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

#17744252
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36968) - you deserved it (3923)

On 09/14/2011 at 2:11pm - intimacy - by wf - United States

Today, while playing with bubble wrap, I dislocated my thumb. FML

#17628790
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22381) - you deserved it (13126)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:02am - health - by Bigpoppa0507 - Canada

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

#17150480
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17304) - you deserved it (34386)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by CaoiiBieber - Ireland

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

#16892674
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41659) - you deserved it (3744)

On 06/28/2011 at 2:39am - intimacy - by girlshavepenises (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML

#16854499
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34292) - you deserved it (4871)

On 06/25/2011 at 7:29pm - misc - by pod (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

#16644448
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41246) - you deserved it (6276)

On 06/13/2011 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by sheyshey0413 - United States (Florida)

Today, I ran over a chipmunk. On my bike. Its mangled carcass got caught in the spokes and decided to join me on my ride. FML

#16637364
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26983) - you deserved it (11340)

On 06/13/2011 at 12:22am - misc - by cycler - United States

Today, my kitchen is flooded, and according to my landlord, this is normal, because it rained last night. Funny, I thought the purpose of a roof was to stop water from getting in. Guess I was wrong. Silly me. FML

#16559634
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41313) - you deserved it (3364)

On 06/08/2011 at 7:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France



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