bennekat

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Offline (the 10/29/2014 at 1:11am)

bennekat

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  • Number of visits : 992
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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bennekat's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

by jannister / 08/13/2012 at 3:25pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm / Intimacy

Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML

by apparantlyStupid / 06/27/2012 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML

by hannaslifesucks / 06/24/2012 at 2:41pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

by anonymous / 06/13/2012 at 12:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

by Danny / 05/28/2012 at 2:02pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

by purple / 03/24/2012 at 1:30am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

by Wow / 03/13/2012 at 12:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I had to get out my birth certificate to prove to my dad that today is my birthday. This has happened before. FML

by Alex / 03/06/2012 at 7:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

by Anon / 02/17/2012 at 3:43pm / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML

by anonymous / 02/11/2012 at 12:57am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

by brannie / 01/29/2012 at 7:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

by Tiana / 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

by replik / 01/25/2012 at 10:50am / Russian Federation / Work

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

by espylone / 12/17/2011 at 10:42am / France / Kids