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bennekat

Offline (the 08/29/2014 at 4:21am) | Search for a member

bennekat

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bennekat's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

#19877341
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33045) - you deserved it (4783)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML

#19857408
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9724) - you deserved it (37537)

On 06/27/2012 at 7:28pm - kids - by apparantlyStupid - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML

#19839464
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26931) - you deserved it (1430)

On 06/24/2012 at 2:41pm - work - by hannaslifesucks (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

#19781971
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22014) - you deserved it (1760)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

#19693767
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19838) - you deserved it (4916)

On 05/28/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Danny (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

#19336672
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27750) - you deserved it (10483)

On 03/24/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by purple - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

#19268925
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23317) - you deserved it (7960)

On 03/13/2012 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Wow (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to get out my birth certificate to prove to my dad that today is my birthday. This has happened before. FML

#19228938
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28925) - you deserved it (1709)

On 03/06/2012 at 7:34pm - misc - by Alex (woman) - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

#19101039
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24157) - you deserved it (1690)

On 02/17/2012 at 3:43pm - health - by Anon - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML

#19045630
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29243) - you deserved it (4960)

On 02/11/2012 at 12:57am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

#18945896
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14879) - you deserved it (41191)

On 01/29/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by brannie - United States

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

#18937632
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48486) - you deserved it (8157)

On 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Tiana - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

#18906586
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19504) - you deserved it (1818)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:50am - work - by replik - Russian Federation

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

#18534964
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31479) - you deserved it (5877) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/17/2011 at 10:42am - kids - by espylone - France

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

#18479276
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48167) - you deserved it (3614)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Joe (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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