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Taday I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on , I jumped into mah car to drive home , but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guessho's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML
Taday mah husband was in our newborn's room , holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor , because I overhered him say , "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
today I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese an German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML
Today... I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece... I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was... "well... I'm either going to insult yur art or yur face." FML
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" an then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Today, I brougt my girlfriend ome fir te first time to meet my parents. Tey were aving a eatd argument because my mom ad bougt "te wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "se sould know tat e as a sensitive anus". FML
Taday I took mah grlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until mah grandma arrivd. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on mah "wife's" pregnancy. My grlfriend actually believd it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid 4 the rest of the summer. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commentd on what the actors were doing!! I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour!! FML
TODAY... I FINALLY GOT THE COURAGE TO MAKE A MOVE ON THE GUY I'VE BEEN CRUSHING ON. I ASKED HIM IF HE WOULD LIKE TO GO SEE A MOVIE WITH ME. HE ANSWERED... "SORRY... I'VE ALREADY SEEN IT." I DIDN'T EVEN MENTION ANY PARTICULAR MOVIE. FML
Friday 27 March 2015