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bellamcruz's favorite FMLs
Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML
by automaticfail_00 / 06/17/2009 at 7:27pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML
by NotSoYoung / 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML
by Unlucky / 06/16/2009 at 6:49am / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Miscellaneous
Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML
by failatboys / 06/13/2009 at 11:06pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by superman_not / 06/10/2009 at 11:46am / United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross) / Miscellaneous
by foretwintie / 06/06/2009 at 7:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Work
Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML
by MBG / 06/05/2009 at 3:43am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I was driving home, talking to my dad on the phone about losing my job. A man kept honking at me, I remarked to my dad how some people on the road are just assholes for no reason. I later realized I had left my laptop on my roof, and it flew onto the freeway. The man was signaling me. FML
by computerdude / 06/01/2009 at 8:44pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML
by biker2012 / 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by lfssecond / 05/30/2009 at 2:04pm / United States (Connecticut) / Animals
Today, my grandparents were staying over my house for a couple of nights. As I was walking to my bathroom in the middle of the night, I noticed their door was open, and my grandfather was awake. I tried to say 'Hi' to him, but he didn't hear me. I then noticed that he was masturbating. FML
by ima_krackerr / 05/30/2009 at 12:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
by FMLFMLFMLFML / 05/29/2009 at 1:52pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML
by ilikecake / 05/29/2009 at 7:12am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous
by silvercity09 / 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by nadette / 05/25/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…