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beezerbnt00

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beezerbnt00
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  • Number of visits : 3014
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

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beezerbnt00's favorite FMLs

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

#93640
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27120) - you deserved it (46664)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by acincollege (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML

#67274
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15151) - you deserved it (47162)

On 02/18/2009 at 9:29am - misc - by Thatkid (man) - Singapore

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

#55493
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8136) - you deserved it (56873)

On 02/16/2009 at 7:24pm - misc - by lunarboy (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML

#42695
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32902) - you deserved it (5682)

On 02/14/2009 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Grossed out (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

#24461
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12844) - you deserved it (25083)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:59am - misc - by Crog (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

#18109
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31057) - you deserved it (3824)

On 02/09/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by a manly woman? (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

#11750
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42114) - you deserved it (5861)

On 02/06/2009 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by beerpong26 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him "about a dollar?" He said "wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

#6869
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27693) - you deserved it (1935)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:55pm - kids - by Morgan (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

#6850
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13639) - you deserved it (42213)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by thermos (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML

#6511
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23774) - you deserved it (6611)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:25pm - misc - by Noname - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML

#6479
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6046) - you deserved it (45184)

On 02/03/2009 at 2:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

#5739
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20024) - you deserved it (9164)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by houdini - United States (California)

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

#5105
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28784) - you deserved it (2179)

On 02/02/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by a268 - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

#4860
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8220) - you deserved it (49368)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:17pm - intimacy - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)



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