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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59003) - you deserved it (3573)
On 02/23/2009 at 5:02pm - intimacy - by unlucky_vee_13 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML
I agree, your life sucks (65421) - you deserved it (8896)
On 02/23/2009 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by starbird (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41932) - you deserved it (4262)
On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - misc - by isuckatlife (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23955) - you deserved it (40585)
On 02/21/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by acincollege (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13385) - you deserved it (40218)
On 02/18/2009 at 9:29am - misc - by Thatkid (man) - Singapore
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7297) - you deserved it (49878)
On 02/16/2009 at 7:24pm - misc - by lunarboy (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30480) - you deserved it (4941)
On 02/14/2009 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Grossed out (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (408643) - you deserved it (26499)
On 02/13/2009 at 10:54am - intimacy - by The Sbeak (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11058) - you deserved it (20950)
On 02/11/2009 at 6:59am - misc - by Crog (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)
Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30320) - you deserved it (3780)
On 02/09/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by a manly woman? (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37996) - you deserved it (5067)
On 02/06/2009 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by beerpong26 - United States (Ohio)
Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him "about a dollar?" He said "wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26936) - you deserved it (1896)
On 02/03/2009 at 6:55pm - kids - by Morgan (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12725) - you deserved it (36857)
On 02/03/2009 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by thermos (man) - United States (California)
Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19617) - you deserved it (5343)
On 02/03/2009 at 3:25pm - misc - by Noname - United States (North Carolina)
Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4852) - you deserved it (37066)
On 02/03/2009 at 2:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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