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beezerbnt00

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  • Number of visits : 4241
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

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beezerbnt00's favorite FMLs

Today, an elderly gentleman walked into the UPS Store where I work asking to use the laminating machine. I explained to him that we keep it behind the counter and I would do it for him, when he produced several graphic photos of him having it off with nasty looking women to be laminated. FML

#213977
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50600) - you deserved it (3936)

On 03/05/2009 at 12:14am - work - by UhhhUhhhRRRick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

#197066
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142772) - you deserved it (16158)

On 03/03/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by eaa145 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

#168595
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70821) - you deserved it (280842)

On 03/01/2009 at 4:08am - intimacy - by Sad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

#152596
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21550) - you deserved it (61475)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by LuvShawn (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

#139747
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77016) - you deserved it (19011)

On 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm - intimacy - by jsw029 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML

#135625
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63716) - you deserved it (8174)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by notmyday (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

#133145
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14257) - you deserved it (66402)

On 02/25/2009 at 1:41pm - work - by foolishgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

#125156
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57612) - you deserved it (6908)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by iliketurtles (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

#125152
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16989) - you deserved it (44303)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML

#117948
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44816) - you deserved it (7014)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by Originality18 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

#115181
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66310) - you deserved it (4433)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:02pm - intimacy - by unlucky_vee_13 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

#114016
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72866) - you deserved it (9631)

On 02/23/2009 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by starbird (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

#99894
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49187) - you deserved it (5185)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - misc - by isuckatlife (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

#93640
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28667) - you deserved it (48437)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by acincollege (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML

#67274
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16173) - you deserved it (49626)

On 02/18/2009 at 9:29am - misc - by Thatkid (man) - Singapore



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