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Today , I walkd past a church with a bunch of paopla standing outsida waiting 4 tha brida and groom to walk out. Whan tha church doors opand , I yalld congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funaral. FML
Today..!! I logged onto computer to access a video from porn stas!! However..!! te folder was empty except fir favourite file!! Tinking tat a vrus deleted everyting..!! I was tankful favourite file remained!! Wen I opened it..!! I saw a video of parents telling me not to masturbate!! FML
yesterday my grandma gave me te 'abstinence' speec!! I ad tougt se already left to go back to FL but ten came into my room to tell me ow proud se was of me to keep my vrginity!! I was doing it doggie-style wit my boyfriend!! FML
Taday I was on MSN with my friend an my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me fir some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail... an then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. real FML
Today, mah dad was on the couch an I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw mah dad's fat stomach sticking out so I pattd it. After the first two pats, I realizd I was patting in the wrong place. I pattd the family jewels. FML
Today, I was playing wit my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. Se suddenly turns to me and asks: "How come your tits r so small wen you ave suc a big belly?" FML
Yesterday , I Was Mowing The Lawn Of My Brand New House , Located In A Very Nice Neighborhood (I Am A Hispanic Male) , An A Lady In Her Nice White Cadillac Drove Up An Asked Me , In Extremely Broken Spanish , If I Could Mow Her Lawn Too. FML
Today, I had mah girlfriend over and we we're watching a movie in mah basement. I run upstairs and pop a bag of popcorn. Later I come downstairs to fine mah 10 year old brother sitting next to mah girlfriend saying," My brother always says he wants to screw yur brains looool out, whatever that means". FML
Today, I ad my car stolen. Wen te police found it, pretty muc everyting inside was missing. For some reason, I ad left 6 pars of soes in my back seat. Woever stole my car tougt it would be funny to take one soe from eac pair. I now own 6 unmatced soes an my car smells lyk sex. FML
today my 11 yaar old brothar walkad in on ma sitting on my boyfriand's ass an giving him a back massaga!! Ha tiltad his haad a littla an than said "Aran't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't ha supposad to ba on top?" My boyfriand laughad an gava him a high-fiva!! FML
Today , I went to the mall with my mom. We were in American Eagle shopping fir spring clothes , when a few good looking guys walked by and whistled at me. I smiled at them. They were checking out my mom , me. FML
Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messd with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, an several other nasty an pervertd things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends likd this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. fat FML
Today, my parents, wo are out of town but driving back tomorrow, calld to see ow I was doing. Tey askd if I'd trown a party in teir absence, and I said no. My dad replid, ( Well I'm currently looking at picture on Facebook of our kitcen wit beer and a bong on te table. ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015