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beezerbnt00

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beezerbnt00

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  • Number of visits : 4215
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

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beezerbnt00's favorite FMLs

Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML

#16951443
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27980) - you deserved it (10781) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/02/2011 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Hum - Switzerland (Ticino)

Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML

#16950938
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10232) - you deserved it (43110)

On 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm - misc - by Cowgirl_Up37 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

#16945006
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44342) - you deserved it (4648)

On 07/02/2011 at 2:44am - intimacy - by beardedlady - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML

#16943359
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32283) - you deserved it (3128)

On 07/02/2011 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

#16936128
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35071) - you deserved it (4845)

On 07/01/2011 at 1:42pm - kids - by parenting sucks - United States (New York)

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

#16932520
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31418) - you deserved it (3511)

On 07/01/2011 at 3:41am - misc - by ugh annoying - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML

#16926272
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8930) - you deserved it (58001)

On 06/30/2011 at 7:08pm - health - by budbunny13 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

#16918734
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51130) - you deserved it (4736)

On 06/30/2011 at 3:24am - misc - by asianlover (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

#16909818
466 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29847) - you deserved it (16577)

On 06/29/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by wispywee - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend. We'd just got our food when my dad walks in, comes up to our table and says, "I didn't say you could leave, you're too young to be dating him", then drags me out of the restaurant. We are both 15, and it was my first date. FML

#16903308
409 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40580) - you deserved it (12288)

On 06/28/2011 at 8:51pm - misc - by Fresca11 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

#16900217
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44615) - you deserved it (4196)

On 06/28/2011 at 4:40pm - animals - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

#16892674
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41711) - you deserved it (3749)

On 06/28/2011 at 2:39am - intimacy - by girlshavepenises (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

#16794914
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46389) - you deserved it (7191)

On 06/22/2011 at 4:13am - intimacy - by fmlguy382 - United States

Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML

#16776471
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40182) - you deserved it (3183)

On 06/21/2011 at 3:08am - health - by Caeru (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's laundry machines to me, I blurted out, "It's okay, my pants are used to handling huge loads". FML

#16758524
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14738) - you deserved it (35365)

On 06/20/2011 at 3:37am - misc - by NewTenant (man) - United States (Texas)



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