This member hasn't filled in the description.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72001) - you deserved it (9157)
On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11941) - you deserved it (35907)
On 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by omfgnooo (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9954) - you deserved it (15968)
On 09/05/2011 at 10:52pm - health - by wheezy (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24591) - you deserved it (2636)
On 09/05/2011 at 4:23pm - kids - by thatoneguy - United States (Texas)
Today, I'm getting kicked out of my flat because my drunk friends stole a pony and left it tied outside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21350) - you deserved it (2560)
On 09/05/2011 at 11:03am - misc - by thefrightening1 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)
Today, I went to a football game. During a time out, my face appeared on the Jumbotron during the Kiss Cam segment. I was sitting next to my mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23922) - you deserved it (2110)
On 09/04/2011 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17989) - you deserved it (7061)
On 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by tryingtobepretty101 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24357) - you deserved it (1953)
On 09/01/2011 at 1:29am - misc - by bob - United States
Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12933) - you deserved it (46897)
On 08/31/2011 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was covered in my husband's pubes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23144) - you deserved it (7550)
On 08/30/2011 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by Nasty (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32402) - you deserved it (3907)
On 08/30/2011 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17623) - you deserved it (1676)
On 08/29/2011 at 11:56pm - misc - by SinkyBalls - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28206) - you deserved it (2455)
On 08/29/2011 at 7:59pm - kids - by slavelaborsux (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pounds father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22868) - you deserved it (2051)
On 08/28/2011 at 4:27am - misc - by CooBerry3851 - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy if he bit me on the lips. Normally, I would have enjoyed it, if the lips in question were the ones on my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31974) - you deserved it (3371)
On 08/27/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by RainCl0ud - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
