beezerbnt00

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beezerbnt00

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 9331
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

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beezerbnt00's page activity

Visits<b>Zatert</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 12:52pm<b>T2R</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 1:48pm<b>Ohthatsnasty</b> - the 12/08/2013 at 1:27am<b>iseyixes</b> - the 11/22/2012 at 2:40pm

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50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

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beezerbnt00's favorite FMLs

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

by omfgnooo / 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

by wheezy / 09/05/2011 at 10:52pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

by thatoneguy / 09/05/2011 at 4:23pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I'm getting kicked out of my flat because my drunk friends stole a pony and left it tied outside. FML

by thefrightening1 / 09/05/2011 at 11:03am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a football game. During a time out, my face appeared on the Jumbotron during the Kiss Cam segment. I was sitting next to my mother. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2011 at 12:15am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

by tryingtobepretty101 / 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML

by bob / 09/01/2011 at 1:29am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML

by Username / 08/31/2011 at 3:36am / United States / Intimacy

Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was covered in my husband's pubes. FML

by Nasty / 08/30/2011 at 12:48pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 7:24am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

by SinkyBalls / 08/29/2011 at 11:56pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

by slavelaborsux / 08/29/2011 at 7:59pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pounds father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

by CooBerry3851 / 08/28/2011 at 4:27am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy if he bit me on the lips. Normally, I would have enjoyed it, if the lips in question were the ones on my face. FML

by RainCl0ud / 08/27/2011 at 2:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

by f*ckingdisgusted / 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm / United States / Kids