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Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8079) - you deserved it (24516)
On 10/23/2012 at 9:19am - money - by Dinger1992 - United States
Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21014) - you deserved it (4133)
On 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm - misc - by jesushelpme (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22380) - you deserved it (3168)
On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML
I agree, your life sucks (15392) - you deserved it (1908)
On 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm - misc - by tempted to become single (man) - United States (California)
Today, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mother then confided in me that she suspected it was a prank to get more money from our family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15044) - you deserved it (888)
On 10/20/2012 at 11:10am - misc - by iamsolid - United States
Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7889) - you deserved it (28235)
On 10/20/2012 at 9:57am - intimacy - by MIND BLOWING - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while driving with my puppy in the passenger seat, he jumped out of the window. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15580) - you deserved it (20001)
On 10/20/2012 at 3:16am - animals - by puppylove - United States
Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14373) - you deserved it (8169)
On 10/16/2012 at 7:28am - misc - by bargainshopper (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)
Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18526) - you deserved it (1729)
On 10/16/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by Mike - United States
Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22036) - you deserved it (2843)
On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62987) - you deserved it (6333)
On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10678) - you deserved it (42684)
On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24191) - you deserved it (1451)
On 10/08/2012 at 2:36pm - love - by jack - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend and I made love for the first time. Before we left his house so he could walk me home, I fixed my hair by the hall mirror and joked about having serious sex hair. My boyfriend quickly reminded me that his incredibly religious mother was in the next room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7806) - you deserved it (26275)
On 10/08/2012 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by blabbermouth (woman) - South Africa (Eastern Cape)
Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15863) - you deserved it (2876)
On 10/08/2012 at 1:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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