About beemoo : I'm a clinically diagnosed insomniac, so, while I wait ever-so patiently for sleep to take me, I read FML's in bed.
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beemoo's favorite FMLs
by G-6 / 01/07/2011 at 6:24am / Transportation
Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML
by omfgitburns / 01/06/2011 at 9:54am / Health
by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 7:39pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was texting my trainer to rearrange our training session. My girlfriend texted me during the exchange, asking what I wanted for Christmas. I accidentally texted my trainer, "All I want are your sweet titties in my face". I'm awaiting a response. FML
by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 3:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I breathed in through my nose, and my cat's fur caused me to sneeze. I sneezed so hard, I threw up out my nose. Nothing will get rid of the smell from within my nasal cavity. FML
by can't breathe / 11/22/2010 at 6:33am / Australia (Western Australia) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/19/2010 at 2:47am / Kids
by lisacasabonita / 11/12/2010 at 11:31am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML
by sweet_stufz / 11/11/2010 at 8:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML
by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 12:48am / United States (New York) / Transportation
by single / 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 5:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 7:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 4:03am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 1:55am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML
by married / 10/16/2010 at 8:31am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
- Today, my brother snuck up on me whilst I was drinking milk. He then played the Pink Panther song… Today, I was hit on by a really cute guy. It was flattering, but I'm gay so I told him, "Sorry, I'm… Today, one of my classmates in my culinary class slapped me with a raw chicken breast. Why? Because…