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beemoo

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beemoo

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 13 September 1995 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1040
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About beemoo : I'm a clinically diagnosed insomniac, so, while I wait ever-so patiently for sleep to take me, I read FML's in bed.

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beemoo's favorite FMLs

Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML

#18139418
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29193) - you deserved it (5152)

On 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

#18072283
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33641) - you deserved it (2802)

On 10/25/2011 at 2:04pm - kids - by mew - Canada

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28887) - you deserved it (3021)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML

#18052733
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32476) - you deserved it (4014)

On 10/23/2011 at 8:38am - love - by mrs.nerd - United States

Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML

#17862319
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25784) - you deserved it (1997)

On 09/29/2011 at 8:27am - misc - by btchzloveit (man) - United States (Armed Forces Pacific)

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

#17839569
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19893) - you deserved it (43657)

On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

#17742835
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31571) - you deserved it (5183)

On 09/14/2011 at 7:06am - misc - by funnymanjoe - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a creepy old guy with awful body odor in my salon. As I was washing his hair, he brought up how he wants to start a garden, and how a woman's monthly flow weirdly helps to make it grow. Then he asked me if I can save up my used tampons for him. FML

#17724529
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35913) - you deserved it (2134)

On 09/11/2011 at 11:23pm - work - by fashionista1787 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

#17698757
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28814) - you deserved it (5331)

On 09/08/2011 at 8:01pm - health - by Mack - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML

#17613922
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28101) - you deserved it (8692)

On 08/29/2011 at 5:19pm - health - by Stan - United States (California)

Today, while bitching some girl out for spilling coffee all over me, she looks at me with accepting eyes and says after I'd finished, "I can understand your anger, big girls like you get grumpy when they're hungry." FML

#17606800
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12488) - you deserved it (42861)

On 08/28/2011 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

#17586114
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31308) - you deserved it (5435)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML

#17526704
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60141) - you deserved it (3463)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:26am - love - by AlwaysGottaFML - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my grandmother sat me down and gave me a talk about the importance of personal hygiene. According to her, it's important that I shower twice a day, because "Fat people tend to have a most curious smell about them." FML

#17522929
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26411) - you deserved it (10731)

On 08/19/2011 at 8:22pm - health - by Username - United States

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

#17505369
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25444) - you deserved it (4493)

On 08/18/2011 at 12:02am - misc - by livgasms - United Kingdom



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