About beemoo : I'm a clinically diagnosed insomniac, so, while I wait ever-so patiently for sleep to take me, I read FML's in bed.
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beemoo's favorite FMLs
by Katherine / 02/13/2012 at 4:23pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML
by rapper in training / 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ilana / 02/10/2012 at 4:51am / United States / Kids
by 11niko / 02/01/2012 at 11:57pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML
by harshdoobie / 01/18/2012 at 10:18am / Canada / Health
by shitttyyyday / 01/14/2012 at 2:47am / United States / Health
by Janie / 01/10/2012 at 12:52am / United States / Love
by Jman6295 / 01/07/2012 at 7:12pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
by Fat_abott / 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm / France / Animals
Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML
by scammed / 12/18/2011 at 12:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by Santa / 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
by Aly / 12/09/2011 at 10:40am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm / United States / Intimacy
by notsohappilyeverafter / 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/24/2011 at 5:35am / United Kingdom / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…