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beemoo

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beemoo

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 13 September 1995 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1059
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About beemoo : I'm a clinically diagnosed insomniac, so, while I wait ever-so patiently for sleep to take me, I read FML's in bed.

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It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

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beemoo's favorite FMLs

Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML

#19066123
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24312) - you deserved it (5730)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:23pm - kids - by Katherine - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML

#19043614
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24416) - you deserved it (2578)

On 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm - misc - by rapper in training (man) - United States

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

#19039920
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22358) - you deserved it (2842)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:51am - kids - by ilana (woman) - United States

Today, I tried to treat a cut on my butt hole with Neosporin. I couldn't see it properly, so I had to use the front-facing camera on my phone. FML

#18973546
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19130) - you deserved it (6153)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:57pm - health - by 11niko (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML

#18843385
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27799) - you deserved it (2837)

On 01/18/2012 at 10:18am - health - by harshdoobie (man) - Canada

Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML

#18802819
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42573) - you deserved it (3823)

On 01/14/2012 at 2:47am - health - by shitttyyyday - United States

Today, my boyfriend changed his relationship status on Facebook to "Single" and his status to "I'm not kidding, leave your key on the counter." FML

#18763355
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36572) - you deserved it (3491)

On 01/10/2012 at 12:52am - love - by Janie (woman) - United States

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

#18738481
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26825) - you deserved it (13989)

On 01/07/2012 at 7:12pm - misc - by Jman6295 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

#18716901
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37221) - you deserved it (4929) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm - animals - by Fat_abott - France

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

#18540980
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30905) - you deserved it (2395)

On 12/18/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by scammed - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

#18495546
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36782) - you deserved it (3917)

On 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm - kids - by Santa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

#18467751
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42164) - you deserved it (5130)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

#18398754
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31263) - you deserved it (3778)

On 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend dropped by my work to break up with me. I had to go the rest of my shift with a smile, fighting back tears. I work as the Cinderella at Disney Land. FML

#18358033
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66513) - you deserved it (3223)

On 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm - love - by notsohappilyeverafter - United States (California)

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

#18334722
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28233) - you deserved it (3696)

On 11/24/2011 at 5:35am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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