About beemoo : I'm a clinically diagnosed insomniac, so, while I wait ever-so patiently for sleep to take me, I read FML's in bed.
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beemoo's favorite FMLs
by milf / 08/05/2012 at 9:10pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 12:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy
by the critic / 06/18/2012 at 6:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by Anonymous / 06/11/2012 at 8:42am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML
by Rohirus / 06/07/2012 at 7:09pm / Sweden / Miscellaneous
Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML
by LaurenB / 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health
by thedri11 / 05/30/2012 at 9:52pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML
by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 4:38pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2012 at 4:49pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, after having a pretty rough day, I decided a nice, hot shower would be great. Ten minutes in, the shower head apparently couldn't take the water pressure anymore, and it flew off and hit me in the face. FML
by Anonymous / 05/17/2012 at 5:54pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous
by smh / 05/13/2012 at 6:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…