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beemoo

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beemoo

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 13 September 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1129
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About beemoo : I'm a clinically diagnosed insomniac, so, while I wait ever-so patiently for sleep to take me, I read FML's in bed.

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beemoo's favorite FMLs

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24002) - you deserved it (2788)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

#20068529
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23930) - you deserved it (3656)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:03am - kids - by AGeeksWife (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML

#20067647
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20197) - you deserved it (3876)

On 09/11/2012 at 3:16pm - love - by Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I walked downstairs with a couple of bags full of stuff, in preparation for a sleepover at my friend's house. My nine-year-old cousin looked at me and said, "Where're you going? Fat camp?" FML

#20064659
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18574) - you deserved it (3413)

On 09/09/2012 at 1:02pm - health - by Char (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, my ex-girlfriend sent me an email. I was excited that she wanted to make amends for cheating on me before I dumped her. No, the email had a photo of her making out with the guy she cheated on me with, and the caption, "What you wish you still had". FML

#20063251
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26383) - you deserved it (2331)

On 09/08/2012 at 2:19pm - love - by max5 (man) - France (Aquitaine)

Today, I wanted to take a bubble bath with the jets in the bath that I haven't used in years. When I got in, it took me a while to realize that the jets had squirted out slime and a family of unidentifiable bugs that have probably been living there for years. FML

#20060052
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22087) - you deserved it (8263)

On 09/06/2012 at 2:38am - misc - by juliannamelissa - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

#20059533
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22259) - you deserved it (2286)

On 09/05/2012 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cotton swab shoved up my cock's piss-pipe. FML

#20057281
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24579) - you deserved it (8407)

On 09/04/2012 at 11:09am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML

#20056463
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19262) - you deserved it (2609)

On 09/03/2012 at 10:08pm - misc - by weave9z (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19314) - you deserved it (46944)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got rear-ended. An old woman got out and came over to my car window. I thought she was coming to apologize and trade insurance companies. Instead, she poured her soda on my head, ran back into her car, and drove away. FML

#20050170
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23106) - you deserved it (1450)

On 08/30/2012 at 10:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31060) - you deserved it (8570)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31060) - you deserved it (8570)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14762) - you deserved it (38423)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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