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beef_weezle

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beef_weezle

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  • Number of visits : 2869
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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beef_weezle's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

#14029442
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40072) - you deserved it (4970)

On 11/29/2010 at 10:03pm - kids - by Laura -

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

#14029442
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40072) - you deserved it (4970)

On 11/29/2010 at 10:03pm - kids - by Laura -

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

#13975115
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24970) - you deserved it (6925)

On 11/25/2010 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year because I discovered she had been cheating on me. Her defense was, "It wouldn't be a problem if you were just OK with this." FML

#13946366
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33954) - you deserved it (2847)

On 11/23/2010 at 4:32am - intimacy - by anonymous -

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

#13937569
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35622) - you deserved it (7900)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by painfulintercourse - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

#13929879
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25268) - you deserved it (4751)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by poomaster - United States (California)

Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML

#13921347
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9823) - you deserved it (61337)

On 11/21/2010 at 3:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico (Morelos)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

#13876675
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40409) - you deserved it (12357)

On 11/17/2010 at 1:16pm - love - by neverdateaclosetcase (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

#13876258
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24690) - you deserved it (10518)

On 11/17/2010 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by bottomdrawerraider (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my swim coach had me swim a 400 meter freestyle. Feeling a little sick near the end, I lifted my head to breathe, then burped, and threw up violently all in the pool. All my team mates screamed horrified running out of the pool, and now they have to drain it. I was told not to come back. FML

#13855888
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28925) - you deserved it (3685)

On 11/15/2010 at 7:19pm - health - by grlzze444 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML

#13805619
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28261) - you deserved it (2595)

On 11/11/2010 at 7:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

#13798665
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62551) - you deserved it (3659) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/11/2010 at 3:40am - love - by Anonymous - France

Today, I need to find a way to explain to my 5, 7 and 12 year old kids their uncle wants to become their aunt. FML

#13773002
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51340) - you deserved it (9805)

On 11/09/2010 at 12:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML

#13762266
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31393) - you deserved it (5305)

On 11/08/2010 at 5:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, my 5 year old son and I went out. As I was looking in the window display of a shop, I turned around to witness my son pooping in an open manhole on the street. FML

#13718140
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28648) - you deserved it (8664)

On 11/04/2010 at 7:54pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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