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beaverteaser

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beaverteaser
  • Town/Country : Marysville, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 21 February 1982 (32 years)
  • Number of visits : 214
  • Number of comments : 137
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About beaverteaser : free to good home...

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beaverteaser's favorite FMLs

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

#21034785
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43806) - you deserved it (4424)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:07am - kids - by sickmom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I found out that even after three years, my boyfriend's mother replies, "Unfortunately" when asked if we are still together. FML

#21034680
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37395) - you deserved it (3256)

On 01/21/2014 at 1:25am - love - by monsterinlaw - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML

#21034458
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24668) - you deserved it (38381)

On 01/20/2014 at 10:34pm - kids - by Ginger_Gawd - United States (Florida)

Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML

#21034070
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41574) - you deserved it (6933)

On 01/20/2014 at 4:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I dropped my phone in the wet snow. I read that putting it in rice helps to get the water out. Three pieces of rice are now frozen into the power port, and I can't get the charger in. FML

#21034026
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37211) - you deserved it (11546)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:34pm - misc - by merrr - Canada

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43401) - you deserved it (29152)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49791) - you deserved it (7363)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was watching Ratatouille. Piece of advice for starving students: never watch it when you've only eaten two apples in two days, or you'll find yourself in the ridiculous position of being jealous of a fucking rat. FML

#21033122
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38429) - you deserved it (7123)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:38pm - misc - by I.Want.Food. (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42828) - you deserved it (5764)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

#21033078
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46123) - you deserved it (9051)

On 01/19/2014 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought an automatic air refresher. I put the can and batteries in, and it promptly sprayed a blast of its scent down my throat. Now I can't breathe without tasting it. FML

#21032966
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35884) - you deserved it (8429)

On 01/19/2014 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

#21032937
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45523) - you deserved it (5003)

On 01/19/2014 at 3:35pm - misc - by fail (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

#21028790
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41284) - you deserved it (5474)

On 01/15/2014 at 2:22pm - misc - by coop42 - United States (Wisconsin)



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