beastio

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beastio

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3492
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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beastio's page activity

Visits<b>ThatOneChick856</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 7:34pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 08/30/2009 at 3:45pm<b>blake116</b> - the 08/08/2009 at 10:40am<b>redbluegreen</b> - the 06/19/2009 at 2:30pm

beastio's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

beastio's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of that smell of marijuana in the house. So I confess and tell her I will never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML

by Dumbweed / 08/28/2009 at 12:42am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

by mariokarter / 08/28/2009 at 12:41am / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

by abercrombieef / 08/27/2009 at 7:57pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I wrote a note for my crush of 2 years, expressing all my feelings for him signed it as "Forever your lover" then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked back up to me, tossed the note at me and said "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML

by fmynote / 08/27/2009 at 7:00pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML

by staringisrude / 08/27/2009 at 7:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, for my birthday, my mom presented me with a $4,000 check to pay for my braces. I've been very self-conscious about my teeth for years. Everyone applauded and told me how happy they were for me. Later, my mom asked me for the check back. Apparently it was just meant to make her look good. FML

by crookedteeth / 08/27/2009 at 1:23pm / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

by LizP40 / 08/27/2009 at 12:46pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2009 at 11:53am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML

by buzzzzkill / 08/27/2009 at 7:51am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why my parents have been trying to convince me not to go to college this year. I also found out where the $20,000 they just spent on landscaping came from. My college fund. Which is now $0. FML

by noeducation / 08/27/2009 at 5:16am / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, my sister came over for a visit. I was going to surprise her with the news that I had spontaneously gotten a cat. The first thing she told me when she came in was that she ran over my neighbor's cat. None of my neighbors have cats. FML

by catlady5569 / 08/27/2009 at 4:13am / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, the bank called saying we were late in the mortgage payments. I was puzzled because three months ago I issued a big cheque to my mum pay off the mortgage. I just discovered that she instead lost it all at the casino. Turns out, she's become a compulsive gambler ever since dad passed away. FML

by smoothcoffee / 08/27/2009 at 1:53am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive texts, I found out that my phone is perfectly fine, my friends just don't text me back. FML

by nofriends / 08/26/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2009 at 2:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous