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beastio

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beastio
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2818
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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beastio's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML

#4921457
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29376) - you deserved it (1891)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Embarassed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

#4912906
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40091) - you deserved it (3177)

On 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Ned (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

#4912143
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12848) - you deserved it (39729)

On 08/29/2009 at 6:58pm - misc - by deven (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML

#4911322
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23287) - you deserved it (46203)

On 08/29/2009 at 6:20pm - love - by zuper_duper (man) - United States (California)

Today, was my third day at work. The hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

#4909892
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33833) - you deserved it (3397)

On 08/29/2009 at 5:02pm - work - by newguy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was helping my mom pack for our family vacation. We were both talking about how excited we were, when she turns to me and says, "Would you be offended if I asked you not to come? It's just... I want to have fun." FML

#4907075
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49162) - you deserved it (4621)

On 08/29/2009 at 2:40pm - misc - by Nofun (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

#4905255
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44447) - you deserved it (3907)

On 08/29/2009 at 12:46pm - health - by mommy_issues (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I swapped seats with someone on a ferry so she could sit next to her friend. Minutes later, a child sitting behind me threw up on my head, while the girl I had swapped with and her friend laughed hysterically as I attempted to wipe the puke from my hair. FML

#4900941
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43092) - you deserved it (3217)

On 08/29/2009 at 4:48am - kids - by littlemisstiny (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

#4896361
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37756) - you deserved it (8663)

On 08/29/2009 at 12:27am - love - by notenough (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got a prank call. I now wish he'd call back so I can actually talk to someone. FML

#4895245
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38372) - you deserved it (6133)

On 08/28/2009 at 11:39pm - misc - by MelanieP (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out my front door. I ran home to find a waterfall cascading over my covered parking. It turns out my puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entire condo had an inch of standing water. FML

#4892263
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31752) - you deserved it (4104)

On 08/28/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

#4883657
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42521) - you deserved it (5788)

On 08/28/2009 at 2:30pm - health - by minnie (woman) - United States

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60650) - you deserved it (15379)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

#4880927
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20961) - you deserved it (51381)

On 08/28/2009 at 11:08am - love - by fmlll (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

#4880765
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45520) - you deserved it (1982)

On 08/28/2009 at 10:56am - misc - by wtfman101 (man) - United States (California)



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