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beaks527

Offline (the 06/20/2015 at 8:21am) | Search for a member

beaks527

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Bemidji, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 May 1998 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 139
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About beaks527 : Just a normal, nerdy guy.

beaks527's page activity

Visits<b>Tetramonster</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 8:08pm

beaks527's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

See all of beaks527's badges

beaks527's favorite FMLs

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML

#21420435
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24571) - you deserved it (4897)

On 06/03/2015 at 9:59pm - work - by officeditz - United States (Florida)

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

#21388685
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30984) - you deserved it (9605)

On 04/06/2015 at 3:38pm - love - by rhunter17 -

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44977) - you deserved it (5864)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML

#21257293
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32388) - you deserved it (16158)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:29am - misc - by Nat - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

#21252700
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45848) - you deserved it (2950)

On 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm - work - by crop circle galore - United States

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44622) - you deserved it (3589)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

#21250887
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45484) - you deserved it (5931)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by very punny (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36478) - you deserved it (3218)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48855) - you deserved it (18942)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

#21225439
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40411) - you deserved it (4666)

On 07/31/2014 at 1:00am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after five years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. The words "just think of the tax breaks" were uttered. FML

#21208167
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40334) - you deserved it (4267)

On 07/13/2014 at 6:36pm - love - by justthinkofyourhand - United States (California)

Today, after a week of searching, I found my escaped snake. In my umbrella, outside, after opening it over my head. FML



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