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beaks527

Offline (the 04/25/2015 at 2:20am) | Search for a member

beaks527

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 May 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 121
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About beaks527 : Just a normal, nerdy guy.

beaks527's FML badges

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

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beaks527's favorite FMLs

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

#21388685
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29876) - you deserved it (8955)

On 04/06/2015 at 3:38pm - love - by rhunter17 -

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42763) - you deserved it (5155)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML

#21257293
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32360) - you deserved it (16144)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:29am - misc - by Nat - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

#21252700
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45814) - you deserved it (2946)

On 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm - work - by crop circle galore - United States

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44423) - you deserved it (3578)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

#21250887
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45429) - you deserved it (5927)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by very punny (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36410) - you deserved it (3216)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44824) - you deserved it (16617)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

#21225439
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40358) - you deserved it (4663)

On 07/31/2014 at 1:00am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after five years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. The words "just think of the tax breaks" were uttered. FML

#21208167
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40284) - you deserved it (4265)

On 07/13/2014 at 6:36pm - love - by justthinkofyourhand - United States (California)

Today, after a week of searching, I found my escaped snake. In my umbrella, outside, after opening it over my head. FML



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