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beach_babe3's favorite FMLs
Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML
by poorbastard / 08/30/2014 at 4:35am / Canada (Quebec) / Transportation
Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML
by wowzer / 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm / Puerto Rico / Love
Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML
by LolKaleb / 08/26/2014 at 11:02pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by gag reflex / 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by emmamrose7 / 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 11:19am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
by jake / 08/12/2014 at 6:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by mamagelmane / 08/08/2014 at 12:27am / France (Lorraine) / Kids
by Lisa / 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML
by TheKingKen / 07/01/2014 at 8:33pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/23/2014 at 3:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by MiserableMan / 06/10/2014 at 12:02am / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Love
Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML
by unashamed / 06/05/2014 at 4:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
by Aether / 06/03/2014 at 6:51pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy.… Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me… Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and…