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be914's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 12:31am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
by tjm / 12/23/2010 at 1:05am / United States (New York) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML
by romedizzle / 11/24/2010 at 4:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, I was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road. I sat and watched her until she had crossed, when I realised that I had missed the light. A large queue of cars had built up behind me, yet none of them used their horn because I was driving my police car. FML
by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 10:29am / United Kingdom (York) / Transportation
Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 3:04pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML
by oumalina / 08/11/2010 at 9:54pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by kinky / 08/04/2010 at 8:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by bloodymatzaball / 08/01/2010 at 8:34pm / United States / Work
Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML
by Elliot / 07/22/2010 at 11:10am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML
by betrayed / 07/19/2010 at 1:36pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I've recently gained weight so I bought an exercise video. I started it right away in my room on the top floor. My younger sister screamed and ran outside a few minutes later. She thought it was an earthquake. FML
by sarah / 07/14/2010 at 12:32am / United States / Health
by thanksalot / 07/10/2010 at 4:05pm / United States / Love
by Mikimiks93 / 07/02/2010 at 11:05am / South Africa (Limpopo) / Transportation
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…
- Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at… Today, I was nude modeling for the first time for a life art class. The only criteria for the class… Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as…