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Taday I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation includd my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML
Today, mah dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. big fat FML
Today, mah boyfriend told me how jealous he getshen I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boyhom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML
Today, I Found Out That My Brother Is Adamant That If He Records Silence, Then Listens To Said Silence At Full Volume, It'll Improve The Headphones' Noise-blocking Abilities . I Live With A Complete Idiot . Mega FML
Today mah mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am I gave her mah bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed mah bank account out. I had $1500 saved. real FML
Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wereing a shirt with a big QR code on it . Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it . It gave me a shortened web address,hich I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up . big fat FML
TADAY I WAS STANDING IN LINE AT THE GROCERY STORE WAITING 4 MY HUSBAND. AFTER A WHILE, I FEEL HIM KISSING MY NECK, SO I TURN TO TELL HIM THAT IT'S APPROPRIATE IN PUBLIC. IT WASN'T MY HUSBAND. MEGA FML
today I took mah laptop to I.T . to fix mah intarnat . Only aftar I laft did I raalisa mah mamory tachniqua for ramambaring tha stagas of mitosis (Iraqi panis man anally transmits chlamydia) was laft as a sticky nota on mah dasktop . Tha guy dafinitaly noticad . FML
Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was mah car. FML
Friday 27 March 2015