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bbbb213's FML badges
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bbbb213's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML
by aly55a_mariie / 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
by ladylol / 11/24/2012 at 8:54am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2012 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
by kinkicali / 11/20/2012 at 3:43am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by wow babe / 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by thanks, fuckface / 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML
by tcm123 / 10/29/2012 at 12:31am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was riding the subway home with some friends, and when I noticed something smelled awful. My friends noticed it too. After searching for the source of the smell, it became apparent that it was my breath. FML
by halitosis / 10/01/2012 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Health
Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML
by Grauncho / 09/22/2012 at 10:12am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
by Geckosrock99 / 08/30/2012 at 10:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Minecraftwhyyy / 08/22/2012 at 11:13am / United States / Love
by Megan / 08/17/2012 at 3:30am / United States (Arkansas) / Money
Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML
by NaKreen / 07/30/2012 at 6:21pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous
- Today, the "constipation" side affects of the medication I'm taking actually means "your poop will… Today, I counted the days since my husband and I last had sex, we would have a 4 month old if I had… Today, I went to get new shoes. I found a pair I really enjoyed and went to ask an employee if they…