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About bazingabitches : Hey! I'm just a regular girl, I like hetalia and black butler and big bang theory. I'm a major Harry potter nerd/band nerd. Bassoon for the win! :) I'm a condescending bitch, but I don't mean to be, so if I offend you I apologize. If you want to know anything else message me! I don't bite.... Maybe.
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Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his grlfriend. FML
Today, as a joke, mah friends and I decided to putted me in a dress and makeup, to creep out a friend . I'm a guy . I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that I so willingly volunteered to wear the dress and the makeup, or the fact that I thought it was comfy and made me look slim . FML
Today , I got a call from my parents' divorce lawyer. When I answerd the phone , she thought I was my mother and told me the details about my parent's divorce. I'm a 13-year-old boyho sounds lyk a woman and just learnd that my parents r separating. FML
Today, I went out drinking wit a female friend I've been crusing on 4 a wile now . After we'd been talking and ad a few, Se said 'Man, I aven't gotten laid in monts! Do u mind?' . Surprisd but opeful, I noddd . Se leand over, uggd me, and went to it on a guy at te bar . FML
TODAY... I HAD A SEIZURE AT MAH BOYFRIEND'S. THE SECOND I BEGAN TO SEIZE... HE CURSED AND PICKED ME UP... DROPPING ME ON THE FLOOR COMPLAINING "NOW I HAVE TO CLEAN THE DAMN COUCH." I HAD URINATED CUZ I HAD NO CONTROL OVER MAH BODY. THE COUCH IS STILL STAINED. HE DUMPED ME FOR RUINING HIS FURNITURE. FML
TODAY, I WAS TAKING A SERIOUS SIT WEN TE LIGT BULB BURND OUT. I AM TERRIFID OF TE DARK AND BEGAN WAILING AND CRYING. MY MOM AD TO PICK TE LOCK AND GET ME OUT. I'M A 17 YEAR OLD GUY AND CAPTAIN OF TE VARSITY FOOTBALL TEAM. MY LITTLE BROTER RECORDD IT AND PLANS ON SOWING EVERYONE. FML
Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher fir nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing fir older women. FML
Today , I was working the lighting for a drama production!! In the last scene , two characters realize looool they r in love and kiss , then the stage goes dark!! I mixd up my settings , and instead of a blackout , flashing party lights startd going off!! 300 people turn around to stare at me!! FML
Today, I came ome at noon from a long nigt out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and eels. As I walked up to te door and knocked to be let in, te womanipped around and I figured outo it was. My dad. FML
Yesterday, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt an revealed to me that she wasn't wereing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML
Today , I broke mah mother's Tiffany lamp from the 1920's . Practically crying , I racd onto the computer to try to fine one to order before she comes back in three weeks . The lamp is worth over twelve thousand dollars , and the only way I'm getting one is if I livd 90 years ago . FML
Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostes I was working with was very attractive and we were flrting quite a bit. A large woman walkd in to be seatd, and I leand over to her and dard her to ask the woman if she wantd two chars. She leand back and said "that's mah mom". FML
Today, I was waaring a skirt, an running towards a closing alavator, making it just in tima. As soon as I ran in, my pad fall out of my undarwaar an onto tha floor. Thara wara 6 othar paopla in tha alavator. I pickad it up bafora I raalizad I had nowhara to puttad it, so I hald it. For 18 floors. fat FML
I gave mah wife of four yeres a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admre it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in mah office. FML
Today, mah dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over 4 dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and mah mom split up when I was very young, so I was excitd to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating mah aunt on mah mothers side. big fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015