About bayles313 : Go 49ers!
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bayles313's favorite FMLs
Today, my dad congratulated me on having my first girl come over late at night and asked me to be quieter because he could hear us. I'm still single and it was probably me grunting and getting mad losing Plants vs Zombies. FML
by papaedups / 04/11/2016 at 1:46am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while brushing my teeth, a fly flew into my mouth. It got caught in my electric toothbrush and was sucked into the circular bristles, getting crushed between the brush and my braces. I now have fly guts and goo stuck between my brackets, and I can't get rid of the taste. FML
by PackardBell / 03/27/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, my dad sat me and my sister down and give us a "talk". More like an angry irrational rant. He forbade us from being gay, marrying a Muslim or a black person, demanded kids from both of us, and threatened to disown us if we didn't. Where's my free will? FML
by this is impossible / 01/04/2016 at 7:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML
by wowzer / 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm / Puerto Rico / Love
Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML
by thoughthewasjoking / 08/15/2014 at 5:10pm / United States (Alabama) / Money
by carebear1228 / 07/01/2014 at 1:31pm / United States (California) / Love
by failed dad / 06/25/2014 at 8:30am / Greece (Attiki) / Kids
by Congrats to me / 05/24/2014 at 7:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by thepixies842 / 05/19/2014 at 11:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by thanksad / 08/22/2013 at 9:38pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by oh my dad / 02/13/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML
by Anonymous / 10/01/2010 at 5:45am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was recovering from an operation. After I felt better, I checked my phone. There were 35 missed calls and angry text messages from my boyfriend asking why I wasn't at his house to cook his dinner. FML
by mrsfantastic / 09/12/2010 at 10:02am / United Kingdom / Love
by raidered / 03/08/2010 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while… Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was… Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful…