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batwomen
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  • Number of visits : 361
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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batwomen's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

#19810073
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40433) - you deserved it (3685)

On 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35090) - you deserved it (3816)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9394) - you deserved it (17624)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML

#19786572
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28529) - you deserved it (3518)

On 06/14/2012 at 10:54am - misc - by anonymous - China (Jiangsu)

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

#19781749
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6574) - you deserved it (94877)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

#19772636
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17478) - you deserved it (1912)

On 06/11/2012 at 7:39pm - misc - by beautyschool22 (woman) - United States

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

#19297004
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22423) - you deserved it (3982)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because, I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

#19062488
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31814) - you deserved it (7559)

On 02/13/2012 at 1:00am - love - by Kevin (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML

#18704788
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28248) - you deserved it (4699)

On 01/04/2012 at 7:32am - intimacy - by thankzbabe (woman) - United States

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

#18443070
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21489) - you deserved it (1646)

On 12/06/2011 at 3:57am - work - by snarly1 - United States (California)

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

#18041675
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19195) - you deserved it (32202)

On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep. He was also completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

#17628781
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29475) - you deserved it (2849)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

#17526799
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28113) - you deserved it (4425)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML

#17297166
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40164) - you deserved it (2713)

On 07/29/2011 at 11:37am - misc - by xxxkkxxx - Hong Kong

Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML

#16993109
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28637) - you deserved it (2741)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:54pm - misc - by Username - United States



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