basketballdude07

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basketballdude07

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  • Number of visits : 1894
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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basketballdude07's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2012 at 1:41pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 5:14pm / United States / Money

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

by Jesse / 05/10/2012 at 5:22pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

by N / 05/07/2012 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

by Kristat / 04/01/2012 at 12:32am / United States / Work

Today, I was watching a kid at school walk like a gangster. My teacher was standing there, so I stood behind the kid and walked like him, laughing to myself, at which point my teacher took me to one side and told me the kid was handicapped. FML

by BBFreak97 / 03/14/2012 at 4:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

by zztopspinner / 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

by ShylaMarie / 02/14/2012 at 5:29pm / Canada / Kids

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

by lotrgeek / 02/13/2012 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

by Marc / 02/06/2012 at 4:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

by DarkDolly / 02/04/2012 at 11:39am / France / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend told me that he feels empty inside when I'm not in the kitchen. This is the most romantic thing he has said to me in the past two years. FML

by iheartmorons / 01/14/2012 at 9:31am / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

by omgwhyme / 01/08/2012 at 9:36am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

by Kyle / 01/05/2012 at 1:58am / United States / Miscellaneous