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barreiroj's favorite FMLs
by Hairy_Potter / 01/23/2014 at 12:13pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Health
by MarBlu / 01/23/2014 at 7:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to dye my hair blue. The result is slightly different than I expected: my white bathroom is now blue, and so are my skin and nails. The only thing that isn't blue is my hair, which is now green. FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2014 at 10:42pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/22/2014 at 4:41pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
by IMSERIOUS / 01/22/2014 at 2:23pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
by AnonWife / 01/21/2014 at 8:16pm / United Kingdom (North Lincolnshire) / Health
Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
by Anonymous / 01/21/2014 at 7:55pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Love
Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML
by FacebookStrikesAgain / 01/21/2014 at 6:59pm / Puerto Rico / Love
Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML
by MM / 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I had a big final project due for class. None of my project partners would help me yesterday, because they were convinced we'd have a snow day. Unfortunately, we didn't have a snow day, and we failed. FML
by sidldaking / 01/21/2014 at 6:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML
by cuntocracy / 01/21/2014 at 5:27pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML
by Anonymous / 01/21/2014 at 4:30pm / Iceland / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to an important job interview. I was really anxious but tried to soldier on anyway. When I was called in, my nerves got so bad that I reverted to speaking my second language. Not first, second. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting the job. FML
by ugh / 01/21/2014 at 1:55pm / Japan (Tokyo) / Work
by idiot says pussy / 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm / United States / Intimacy
by sickmom / 01/21/2014 at 6:07am / United States (Louisiana) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…