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barreiroj's favorite FMLs
Today, a guy called customer support, claiming his internet wasn't working. I asked for his customer details, and he gave his name as Mike Hunt. I recognized the old joke, called him an idiot, and hung up on him. It turned out that was his real name. I'm now on suspension. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2014 at 4:39pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML
by Avomitmous / 02/09/2014 at 4:18pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
by Unknown / 02/07/2014 at 9:18am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML
by prochainefois / 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm / Intimacy
Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML
by Anonymous / 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 3:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, I went back to work after a horrible bout of respiratory illness. After a few hours of using hot tea, cough drops, and tissues to deal with my lingering cough, I found out that my asshole coworker has filed a formal complaint about me disrupting her concentration. FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 2:11pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML
by sally / 01/25/2014 at 12:42pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 7:28am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by DJ / 01/24/2014 at 8:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 8:29pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by SirDirtyRedD / 01/24/2014 at 8:03pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I was trying to avoid one of our dogs while driving down the drive. Instead I crashed into a… Today, I was talking to a boy I'm interested in and tried to make conversation while taking a sip… Today, I was at drama club, rehearsing for a play I'm in. But I had to leave early and so I went up…