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barreiroj's favorite FMLs
by Lisa / 01/02/2010 at 2:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML
by themonkeyman / 12/22/2009 at 7:05pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, after taking my clothes out of the washer, I noticed at the very bottom of the washer my boyfriend's USB stick I found a couple of days ago. The USB stick contains his English essay, and his novel he has been working on for almost six months. FML
by Anonymous / 12/14/2009 at 12:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by ljjprchf / 12/12/2009 at 8:29pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
Today, I found out why two of my friends race downstairs to each other to the cafeteria everyday at lunch; apparently there's only one free seat at the table with the rest of their friends, and the loser has to eat lunch with me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/12/2009 at 6:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend asked me why I chose to date him. After going on for five minutes about how unique and funny he is, I ask him the same question. His reply? "You were the first person to ask me out." He then rolled over and fell asleep. FML
by Fluory / 12/07/2009 at 9:43am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by badDriver / 11/28/2009 at 4:37pm / United States (Oregon) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 11:26pm / United States (California) / Animals
by ehwat / 11/26/2009 at 12:31am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by CT / 11/25/2009 at 1:42am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML
by anonymous / 11/22/2009 at 3:23pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my mom had read my diary because she was worried. She now knows details about my depression, details about my sex life, such as how I lost my virginity, to whom (I don't have a boyfriend), and what condition I was in at the time (drunk as a duck). She also showed my dad. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2009 at 7:56am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Intimacy
Today, I called my mother who is vacationing in Florida with my dad and sister. Before they left I told them I would be very responsible and that they could trust me. The first thing she asked me is if all the animals were still alive. I said yes. I lied. Her favourite cat drowned in the pool. FML
by baddaughter / 11/16/2009 at 12:11pm / Canada (Quebec) / Holidays
Today, I found out that my mom called my boss informing him that I am a little behind on some college projects. She felt he should know that she fears I might not be able to graduate on the planned date. My boss had already offered me a permanent job. I may not get that job now. FML
by fuckedup / 11/13/2009 at 2:13pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Work
Today, I went to have my eyebrows waxed for the first time. After signing in the receptionist looked at me and said "Lip wax?". I told her no, my eyebrows. She sat me down and the waxer walked up, took one look at me and said "Lip wax?" FML
by LoserOfTheYear / 11/09/2009 at 5:27pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous