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barreiroj's favorite FMLs
by SadFace / 03/07/2010 at 1:54pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML
by Catois / 03/05/2010 at 12:17am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/03/2010 at 12:08am / United States (North Dakota) / Animals
Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML
by ilovecowboys / 02/26/2010 at 4:09am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Transportation
Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML
by Patrick / 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by tj85 / 02/17/2010 at 2:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML
by sari14 / 02/11/2010 at 1:14am / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I was working when an older lady came up to buy a coffee. Her son cried for a cup of whipped cream to snack on. She shook her head, silently telling me to say no. I said we were out. The mother took her drink and said, "I'm sorry honey, but the mean man said you couldn't have any." FML
by nichaneely / 02/09/2010 at 10:32pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work
by mike / 02/07/2010 at 2:16am / United States (West Virginia) / Love
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
by Forgetfull / 02/02/2010 at 12:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation
Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML
by embarrassedinretail / 01/20/2010 at 5:01am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML
by Awkward / 01/16/2010 at 4:24pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Drewzter / 01/10/2010 at 10:33pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML
by ohdeargodthatswrong / 01/09/2010 at 8:25am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
- Today, I found out that I cannot wear dentures because my gag reflex is too sensitive. Because of… Today, I groom dogs for living and I've always loved my job, however on this particular shift I had… Today, I found out I sleep with my mouth open. How did I find out? After I woke up with a spider in…